malaise

I just saw a wonderful t-shirt that said my literary angst can beat up your literary angst.  I think if it said "writerly" instead of literary, I would want that shirt in a heartbeat. 

It is so strange not doing novel revisions.  My brilliant editor is reading what I worked on, and I know they will start up again, (I hope they do. I love this process) and I have zillions to do on a new novel I have started, but somehow I cannot seem to do anything but stare at the computer, read, want to go to movies and want to go out for a bike ride. And my mind, not a great neighborhood to be in at this time, is pinballing around at the oddest topics, like why is Hoboken University Hospital allowed to call itself that when there is no Hoboken University (it seems as if they are calling their packaged chocolate pudding mousse from the Four Seasons, now doesn't it?) and what would happen if I actually had to go there instead of into NYC where we always go, and what would really be the best conditioner for my mop of fine, curly hair. 

Then because novelists are fond of magical thinking, I start to obsess about all kinds of worst case scenarios and how I might triumph over them (or not.) Then I read a lot of different blogs, which always make it seem as if the bloggers are living much more productive, colorful and interesting lives than I am, or, at least they are taking better photographs. I stress about the economy, I worry over friends' lives, I panic at how fast time is zooming by, (I know, I know, quantum physics says time is a recent occurrence and eventually it will run backwards or stop altogether, but that doesn't help me NOW) and I think about other producers in Hollywood whom I can convince to read my scripts.  I had one very big A-lister looking but I think he is looking for a different type of film than mine, but I did get him to a friend of mine who is just his ticket, so there is karma for you.

I am about to make a pair of fingerless mitts for the photographer who helped me on my novel and I cannot wait.  Somehow the sweater I have been making for the past months is sapping my energy and a quick project seems like the boost I want. 

If this were a film, this would be the calm before the earthquake--which makes me very glad, it is real life.