I am one loyal cookie. I am still friends with my best friends from Northeast Elementary Kindergarten (a happy shout-out to Carolyn Zeytoonian who stole all my pens and pencils and along with me, was the terror of the safety patrols; Judy Hartley, who taught me how to wear makeup in sixth grade and who showed me where her mother's "pep pills" were; and Kathy Hill, whose house was my home away from home--loved you then, love you now), and I just like the long ebb and flow of a forever kind of friendship. But I've had friendships tour sour and it has always taken me by surprise.
This is the roster:
1. A great friend of Jeff's and mine suddenly got into bodybuilding, and began photographing himself pulling a Mack truck chained to his chest. He ditched his wife of 17 years (we loved her) in a very cruel way. OK, he isn't the same person, so maybe that makes sense.
2. A fabulous rock and roller journalist we both really liked--sweet, generous, funny, smart--a nice Jewish girl who heard God talking to her one night and veered 180 degrees to right wing Christianity. She ditched a Christian beau who didn't love Jesus as much as she did and she doesn't want to talk to anyone who does not believe as she does. This one I really miss.I think, too, that she is just lonely and for her, Jesus is the one man who will never leave her. I don't really mind what she believes as long as she allows me my beliefs.
3. A great friend of years and years who changed the day she got married. It seemed clear her husband didn't like me (WHAT? How could he not like ME??!!!) and it rubbed off. This one I really mourn. I tried to patch this one up, but it never gelled.
4. The last and scariest. A writer friend--a very successful writer friend--who was furious when I wouldn't take her suggestions for rewriting a manuscript and proceeded to write about it. Publically. Not using names, but most of my writer friends knew what and who it was about. I've been very "go with God-ish" about this particular person, but I have heard that this person refuses to blurb anyone who is blurbed by me, which is sad for the authors who could use that person's blurb.
So, why am I still obsessed? Because I can't let anything once good go? Because I don't quite understand why these friendships couldn't weather change? Because I am obsessive by nature? Outside of number #1, whose cruelty made it impossible to forgive, why couldn't things resolve with the others somehow?
I imagine, too, that it is a writer sort of question. What makes a friendship die? When do you walk away and say Do Not Revive?